BE STILL.

Here we are, at an orphanage in Bangladesh. Loving the kids is an obvious requirement of the job, but Elise and I also find it to be the most fulfilling part of our days. In turn, the kids find their own ways of showing us their love: endless notes, pictures, gifts, smiles, hugs, and kisses are exchanged constantly. Within these exchanges, we also receive some less desirable gifts. For example, it appears to be customary here among the younger children to thoroughly coat their fingers with the snot dripping from their little noses, before rubbing said fingers on our faces. A few days after we arrived, we realized that we would rather enjoy the nightly goodnight kisses than try to avoid sickness. "If we're going to get it, we'll get it," we both said to each other. We've gotten used to our own constant runny noses and the occasional cough, knowing it's just a harmless cold.

However, a few weeks ago I woke up and knew that something was really wrong. I was awakened early in the morning with a fever, aching body, a stuffy/runny nose, and the worst sore throat of my life! When I looked into my throat I could see white spots beginning to form in the back. Tonsillitis. I spent almost 4 days in bed sleeping. Elise was a gem and took care of me in every way she could. I spent way more time than I should have googling things that got my mind racing about unusual symptoms and strange third world diseases. Some of the people here, at the orphanage, had wanted me to go visit the doctor in town, but I was more than hesitant to do so. Instead, I gathered some friendly medical advice from home, and decided I would need to start antibiotics. Conveniently, prescriptions aren't required at the pharmacies here, and the antibiotics were only about $2. After being on the antibiotic for a couple of days my fever nearly disappeared, the infection in my throat had cleared, and I was starting to regain my strength. I was beyond thankful, yet there's still something really terrifying about being sick in another country.

Since I had made somewhat of a self-diagnoses, I found myself second guessing everything! The day after I stared my antibiotic I woke up with tiny bumps all over my lips, there was blood in my mucus, and my chest was plagued with a rash. These could have been small allergic reactions to the antibiotic, lotion, or chapstick; the decrease of moisture in the air over the past few weeks; or any number of other things. But they all piled up at once, and after all, I AM in Bangladesh. I could be infected with any number of unknown sicknesses. I COULD BE DYING, or so I felt.

I laid in bed that Saturday night feeling so overwhelmed and unsafe. I was in a place without the people who I had always trusted to take care of me. I did have Elise and I knew that she would do anything for me, but our resources here are limited. We're also in a place where having a medical emergency has a whole new meaning. If something were really wrong with either of us, going to the doctor in town wouldn't come close to cutting it. I was laying in the dark, silently freaking out. I cried to God as I laid there praying. I knew He would take care of me, but I was scared. In that moment I just wanted to be home. Then, a letter that my sweet boyfriend had written to me came to my mind. He had reminded me to take time out of my crazy, kid-filled days to "be still". I started pondering this thought, and the meaning behind it. The Bible says more than "be still", it says, "be still and know that I am God." Something hit me hard as I laid curled up in our dark room. Being still is about so much more than our physical stance when we come to God. It's more than just sitting quietly in solitude. Those things are good, but being still is about knowing that He is God. For me, in that moment, being still meant bringing peace to my panic and knowing that God is God and that He has total and complete control. That obviously doesn't mean that things are always going to be perfect in my eyes. But for that moment, it meant that I could have peace, be still, and finally sleep.

Thankfully, all my strange symptoms soon left and I am now healthy again. The reminder to "Be still and know that [He] is God" is something that I embrace constantly. Being in such a corrupt country has shown us both a lot about how evil the world can be. There are times that we feel unsafe, but we know that God has put us here for His purposes and we are constantly learning to live in daily, fearless trust with Him.

-Cassie